If you are asking this question, then you probably already have some type of expectation of what or how a stepfamily should be. Unfortunately, the more expectations you have, the more disappointed you will be.

Each and every stepfamily is different. Let me say that again, for those in the back. Each and every stepfamily has unique dynamics, backgrounds. which makes how you “blend” different. It is a process and nothing happens overnight. The research shows that it takes 5-7 years to blend into a stepfamily.

So much stress comes from OUR expectations. We have to really learn to take everything one STEP at a time. If you are coming into a family with your kids, his kids and combining these kids and you and your significant other/husband, it is going to take time and patience. Look at the reality of the situation and less at the expectations.

What will help is professional counseling, good communication (not only between you and your significant other/husband — but the kids too).  Family meetings are very helpful. Let the kids share what is going on with the dynamics in the home. Set goals and try to implement them one at a time. Make sure you keep it fun. If everyone is involved in the house rules and feel they can communicate, it will help your home run a little more smoothly.