I know this is a challenge for some stepmoms. It is hard when you must admit that you don’t like your step kids, or that they are annoying, or possibly you like one of your step kids but not the other one. That happens more times than I can count.

It doesn’t make you a bad stepmom, because that is just sometimes how it goes. The KEY is how are you still a stepmom to that child?

The first thing is that you need to be honest with yourself.  Is it because they remind you too much of the ex? Is it because they are getting in trouble all the time and they are rude? Is it because dad doesn’t parent the kids, and that kid is “out of control”?

After you figure out the WHY. You have to figure out: WHAT NOW? Do you completely step back from this child and not do anything for them, and let dad parent them? Some chose this option.

Some choose to get professional counseling for themselves so that they can figure out how the best way to approach “parenting” or being a role model for this child.

You should also ask yourself if it’s possible the kid is going through something or needs something that he is missing in his or her life? Could it be that they need counseling or other help too? Consider whether there is something you can facilitate by talking to your significant other/hubby to get this kid the help they need.

Another way of looking at a child that is being mean, rude, disrespectful or inappropriate is to consider whether they are acting out because they are hurting, lonely, sad or frustrated about their situation. Are they upset at one of their parents or both, and taking it out on you? Is there a way to get through to this child by reading books, talking to a counselor and taking STEPS to see that child in a different way?

Whatever you decide, you can choose to step up or step back, but you need to do what works for your family and you.