Finding and giving resources

Did you ever think what the heck have I gotten myself into? Well, I have thought this MANY times since marrying a guy with three boys! After all, I only had a cat that didn’t talk back to me and my career/side hustles before marrying Ryan in 2005.

Like many girls growing up, I dreamed of my wedding day: my dress and my handsome husband waiting for me at the altar. What I did not envision was my husband waiting for me — along with three cute boys! The boys were ages 4, 5 and 8 when Ryan and I met.

I thought because I love kids, how hard could this be? Are you laughing with me?!

If you’re a stepmom, you can probably relate to not knowing what you were getting into.

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If any of us would have known “what we were getting into” we probably would have run and kept running! ((smoke behind us))

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Life as I knew it and my priorities changed when I began my journey as a mother being a stepmom to three boys.

The Inspiration for Buckeye Bonusmom

As a stepmom, I’ve felt stress, frustration and an overwhelming feeling of despair at times. I looked for resources to help me in my journey, and I was only able to find one stepmom support group at the time.

I had to find a way to cope and figure out this journey. As in life, there is no manual.

I knew I didn’t want other ladies who are seriously dating, living with a significant other or married to be crying their eyes out or questioning, “WHAT AM I DOING?” like I had done.

So, I founded I founded Buckeye Bonusmom in 2009 to help stepmoms, including myself.

My Journey

My hubby, Ryan, is the reason WHY I’m a stepmom, and I’m thankful that he encourages me in whatever I decide to pursue in life. We have been on the same page — for the most part — of how to raise the boys (in our home) since we married. Faith, family, friends, education, morals and values have been key components.

My stepsons’ biological mom and I get along, but it was not always that way. There were some very hard years. I questioned why she treated me so badly and seemed so unkind when, from my perspective, I was just trying to do the best I could with HER children. As always, there are two sides to every story, and sometimes we misinterpret others intentions or actions. She likely didn’t understand my point of view, and we just needed time to work through our journey…together!

I was trying not to step on toes, trying to fill in when the boys needed homework help, a ride to an activity, an appointment set up, paperwork filed for a camp… I just wanted to be the best stepmom I could be.

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As a stepmom, you have to be so conscious of how you phrase and share things. Especially “our, their, his or her” etc.

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[Fun fact: my stepsons’ biological mom and I have the EXACT SAME NAME. Yes, even our middle names. I hyphenate to keep down some of the confusion, but I still think the mailman and teachers and coaches have all been confused over the years. Have to laugh, right? No, she doesn’t live with us but has things shipped to our home from time to time.]

The turning point in my relationship with her was when she became ill with pneumonia and needed someone to watch her daughter from another relationship. Her daughter was 14 months old at the time. I stepped up and cared for her daughter. Those were some of the first steps taken toward actually sitting together at events.

Then, we started having her over for dinner in our home.

After that, we went on a family vacation that included 21 of us! (Both her and my extended family, including parents, grandparents, siblings and more.) The boys felt peace that we were all getting along.

Life Today

My stepsons are now 20, 21 and 24 and their half-sister (we don’t use the word “half” in our family, but want you to understand the relationship) is 12. I am a very proud stepmom. Proud of their accomplishments, but even more proud of how they are turning out as young men. They are kind, compassionate and have good work ethic.

My oldest stepson is now a graduate of The Ohio State University and is in medical school. He is also a second LT in the Army. He has been out of the house now for a few years.

Wright State University is where my middle stepson is attending college and will soon graduate. He has own apartment, and we cherish the time we have with the two older boys when they are able to come home or we can go to dinner.

My youngest stepson lives with my husband and I and is in welding school, soon to be graduating. He also holds a job.

Even though my stepsons’ half-sister is not my husband’s or my biological daughter, she has now come to live with us. (She has had a room in our house for many years.) She is involved in club volleyball, socializing (lol) and gets good grades. She also has a small business of spray-painting letters. She has a kind heart, and we hope that continues as she grows up. She calls my hubby “Dad” …and guess what? Yes, you guessed it, I am a STEPMOM yet again.

Some days, I feel I am in #StepmomRoundTwo. I have grown to LOVE being a stepmom. Sure, there are days I still want to pull out my hair. But I am so blessed that all four of these kids are in my life.

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That is why I came up with Bonusmom, instead of stepmom. The children are a BONUS to me!

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My Team

I am blessed to have an amazing team of co-administrators that help me with Buckeye Bonusmom.  Thank you to Lori Craig, Denise Desmond, Mindy Johnson, Kim Metzer, Chelsea Perkins and Donna Tharp. Buckeye Bonusmom couldn’t make the impact it does without all of your support.